Ann Weber, Ph.D.
Imagine the days and weeks ahead: parties
and friends, decorating and shopping, music
and celebration, giving and receiving . . .
Then there's also the thrill of
traffic, the excitement of parking, the
unfailing courtesy of other holiday-mellowed
drivers, family fun and feuding, winter
weather, and shopping. The season of peace
and good will has become a time too many of
us anticipate with dread, focusing less on
the spirit of giving than on feeling
dispirited and spent.
This holiday stress has measurable
consequences for our health - measurable in
blood pressure, calories, and even LCU's:
Life Change Units, ratings of the stress
caused by demanding life events (ranging from
the mega-stress of traumatic loss down to
minor hassles like parking tickets). But we
can learn to cope with and even reduce
holiday stress, if we understand where it
comes from and what control we still have
over its impact. Stress is a response of the
body and mind to experiences that demand
adaptation. Major changes, whether good or
bad, are stressful because they require us to
adjust to new circumstances.
To get a handle on holiday stress, recognize
that all stress begins with the process of
interpreting an event as stressful. If you
are an anxious driver running late, a traffic
slowdown is interpreted as an "awful" delay,
which triggers the body's stress responses.
But if you realize that the traffic cannot be
sped up, you might as well relax. Pop in a
CD of something other than the usual holiday
fare tape loop: How about Charles Trenet,
Van Halen, or Lewis Black? Sing, rock,
laugh. Now the traffic becomes less
stressful, even an opportunity for personal
recharging. Try to interpret the usual
hassles as new opportunities. Take the usual
threats and re-imagine them as challenges,
even opportunities. This is the beginning of
control, relaxation, and resilience.
The fight-or-flight theory of stress response
emphasizes that combat and struggle are only
half our options in adapting to threat - the
"fight" option. So don't underestimate the
power of the "flight" response to restore
your sanity. When the line looks too long,
or a sales clerk is rude, you could indeed
fight back with frustrated gestures or
remarks. Or you might just decide to flee:
put the merchandise (gently) back on the
shelf, without melodrama, leave the store,
turn the car around, and count yourself
lucky. Once you're safely home, you can
order a gift online, or even better, compile
a creative and more thoughtful gift out of
what you already have at hand.
Finally, consider the wisdom of a newer
theory of stress, the tend-and-befriend
model. This model points out that
fight-or-flight responses might work well for
a threatened individual, but for those of us
with loved ones, it makes more sense to react
to stressors by taking care of others and/or
seeking their support. So: You need a
break? Ask for help!
In this season of giving, remember that
charity begins at home: You can't give of
yourself if you burn yourself up in the
process. So give yourself the gift of
finding new meaning in old holiday stressors.
The purpose of stress is to keep us alive,
so let the holidays pique your imagination,
and put life back into what might otherwise
have been lost time. There's no time to lose.
Ann Weber is a professor of psychology at
the University of North Carolina of
Asheville, and has consulted and published on
topics including stress management, personal
relationships, loss, grief, and humor. She is
also a member of the LoneStart Advisory
Board.
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